


A Letter to say I Love You

by undernightlight



Series: Gays in Space [16]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Letters, M/M, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 01:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21245339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/undernightlight/pseuds/undernightlight
Summary: Before going on a mission he's not sure he'll return from, Poe writes a letter to Finn, trying his best to say what needs to be said in the event he doesn't make it back.





	A Letter to say I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Poe writing a letter was from lastspark1's work called 'Because I'm selfish' and I fell in love with the idea, and I really recommend reading it because like, what we've written if very different I think, in terms of contents but also in the tone as well, but theirs is really good so read it :)
> 
> Now please enjoy

Hi Finn

I’ve never done this before, not that great at written communication you know, but I’m going to try, just this once, because I know for a fact that if I try to say anything even close to what’s going to be in this letter in person, I wouldn’t make it though half a sentence.

I hope you don’t think of me any differently after you’ve read this. I’m still me, I’m still Poe Dameron, I’m the same person you met and helped escape from the First Order, but I’m in love with you.

I assure you, this wasn’t what I was intending to happen. We were going to escape, get my droid back, and then if you wanted to part ways we would, if you wanted to come along and join the Resistance, then we’d do that too. Of course, as I’m sure you remember, that didn’t quite happen. Things turned out alright though in the end. When I saw you there, very much not dead like I’d been dreading - though I wasn’t sure I’d even ever see you again - I was so incredibly relieved. It was nice to see you were glad I wasn’t dead either. We sort of ran to each other, and I’m honestly not sure why but it felt like the right thing to do in the moment, maybe you thought so too. And just hugging you, it felt amazing.

Before then, it’s not like we’d spent a lot of time together, but I still knew you were special - absurdly special if you ask me. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it until much later - much, much later if I’m honest - but at some point I realised you meant more to me than I thought was possible.

I think the war is hard on us all, but I see the weight it holds over you. None of this is your fault Finn, you never had a choice in being a Trooper. That’s just what the First Order does. If it makes you feel better, you were kind of terrible at being a Stormtrooper, but you shoot better than most, so I’m glad you’re on our side. Keep your head up kid, we’ve got a long way to go before we win the war, but we will win, I promise.

Honestly I do plan on making it back from this mission, but it’s pretty dangerous, so who knows. I’m probably going to give this to you before I leave, or get someone to give it to you after I’ve gone. With the nature of the mission, I’d probably never end up classified as dead anyway, just missing in action, so waiting to see if I ever return would seem rather pointless. But like I said, I don’t plan on dying out there. When I get back, if I get back, I’m not sure if things will be different between us. If you’d prefer to pretend that you never read this, then that’s fine, I’m alright with that, as long as I don’t lose you as a friend.

Like I said, you’re special, to all the Resistance but especially to me. I look at you sometimes, and I’m reminded why we all keep fighting. I keep fighting because I know I should, because it’s the right thing to do, because I know without the First Order, everything would be better. I fight for the people I care about. I fight for you Finn.

I feel like maybe if I had enough time, I could tell you all the things I love about you. Not sure how long that’d take, kind of a long list, but I could try now? At least tell you some, because like I said, I see the weight this war holds over you, and if I could lighten the load even just the smallest amount, then it’d be worth it.

I’ll start with the superficial standard of you look pretty damn good. Especially in that jacket of mine, suits you far better than it ever did me. I could go on, but you know, I don’t want to make it too weird, good eyes, good ass, you get the idea.

You’re kind, which I know sounds like a cop-out sort of answer, but you are, always thinking about others, what you can do to help them. You don’t put yourself first, which is why I have to do it, obviously. And you have with overwhelming ability to make me feel at home wherever I am, as long as I’m with you. You feel like safety, like with you, nothing can harm me; you protect me in a way that isn’t just physical, but I don’t know how to describe it, I just know that when I’m with you, I feel like I could take on anything.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking about you when I shouldn’t - and not in that way please - but just in everyday actions. I’ll be looking at schematics of Imperial ships, and I think about when we escaped, the cannons going off around us but coming out relatively unscathed, and how I gave you the name Finn and you somehow trusted that enough to keep is as yours. I think about that a lot actually, maybe more than I should, but for lack of a better word, it feels intimate, contained to us.

I’ve rambled, I know, and I’m sorry, but putting everything into neat little sentences seems like an impossible task, more so than this mission that’s ahead of me. I’ve got about an hour before I leave, so I imagine everything’s pretty chaotic in the main hanger, but I’m tucked away in my room, alone, writing this to you, because honestly I don’t know a better use of my time.

If I don’t make it back, please know that I love you. I don’t know how much it’ll matter, but I thought I should tell you. Maybe I’m being selfish, but I hope that somehow it helps you too, like it’s helping me. I feel like I’ve loved you from the moment I met you, which sounds silly, but somehow I think we were drawn together, the Force I don’t know, but I think instinctually I knew that I’d come to love you, to be in love with you.

Maybe I’m alive and things are okay between us, they’re not weird or awkward because that’s not what I want. Of course, in an ideal world, things would work out between us, and after the war, we’d sort something out together, but I try not to keep my hopes up; I’m not sure how well I’d take that sort of rejection.

Just stay alive Finn, please, it would mean a lot to me if you stayed alive.  
Poe.


End file.
